First Journey, A day goes by fine

Days can go by fine, it is a possibility, the world is more fucked up than I can imagine, that’s the way it works, but some days, are really good ones, today was such a day, I spent it with her, she is one of the special ones, today was my day-off; she came by in the morning, I was super sad, we have been having problems with one another lately, our alliance seemed to be on the brink of destruction, you cannot fight the harshness of the world outside, food is scarce, water is nowhere to be found, I understand her, I want to be good for her but, it’s just not that easy, and it’s also not easy for her, our safe space is small, but today, today was great….
after she came by I was too busy concentrating on the events, I was so burned out that I found it hard to be in the moment, she was smiling constantly, and sitting close to me, asking me how I felt, she smelled good, even in this shit she manages to smell good for me, she was smiling as she was telling me about her day, “So, as I was saying this guy suddenly showed up at baba*’s shop and you know he had this huge shotgun! I kid you not! and he looked so ugly! he had all these blisters on his face and his front teeth were like fancy synth stuff, Oh my god, My father was so scared, and my mother wasn’t around, it was such a relief that cousin Soheil showed up,” I stop hearing her Soheil is the one who is a cop, and he doesn’t like me, nope, ” and then the brain of that guy was like splashed all over the snacks, it was disgusting”, she shudders from her own words, I try to respond, “And no one got hurt”? I ask, she looks at me curiously, as if she knows something about me, “except for the shotgun dude, no, cousin Soheil saved us”, she stops and stares at me, “I got us something to do”, she says, “what”? “have you ever done, clarity bomb”? “No, but it sounds like something I’d like to do”, she grins when I she hears that, “Glad you said that, here”, she hands me an earpiece chip, I put the chip inside my ear piece and stare at her, she is bringing her earpiece from her bag, she puts it on and presses the button, she winks and smiles proudly at me and nods, she means to say “fuck yeah” but she doesn’t say it, I press on too and the waves adjust themselves, and for now nothing is happening, “Hey, isn’t this supposed to like act instantly”, I ask her, “It depends, stop whining”, I try to focus my thoughts inwards, try to disconnect, and move with the waves of this clarity bomb, and everything goes dark,…..
……..there is a world of dark static that I can see, the static are there but you don’t see them, …….. I see a picture of her face, the static is more of what I see, I see myself caged in a world where there is no light the only light that exists are the statics, they are tiny and small, I take steps towards….something, I don’t know because I don’t….towards something, steps create static too, some only have foot static, but we cannot see, we cannot see, but we have to keep on walking, I see one static close to me, the static that its happening in front of me, it is as if it is dancing, is someone dancing in front of me? the static of the dance flashes into other parts of the darkness, that static is bigger than mine, and it is so gay, it is dancing, I try to stay close and see, we spend hours walking side by side, although I walk and it dances, hours go by, we see each other better, its static is stronger now and more familiar, I can see something inside it, we still walk on together, now touching all the time, we break apart sometimes by distractions but we hold on tight when we get too far, the static pushes me down sometimes, try to overpower me but I am free with it, it wants to be around me so I generate more static that it, keep it down and let it stay there, its a battle, its a war, but it only seeks peace, its the world of statics, no one knows what happens, or what is what, everything is nothing and nothing is everything, my static grows tired, I let go of it more often, it catches me at times but I’m weakening, I cannot sparkle as well as I used to, but for it, I sparkle again, and time and time again, until the sparks….

my eyes open, I’m in my bed, safe and sound, I pull the sheet down and get off of the bed, she’s sleeping still, she turns and looks at me, I see her eyes, the static world, tears start to build behind my eyes, but I dare not, I smile at her, she smiles back with such kindness that makes me feel like she knows….

*Father, casual “father” in Persian.

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First Journey, begins With “E” but not in English

Three nights ago as I was heading back home, the alley was full of needles and dead bodies and broken machinery, this particular alley  was  famous for the amount, had the record in town I bet, it was just how it was so I tried my best to ignore them, I made my way through the right to the next alley, this one was narrower, it even had a car in it, a piece of shit 1394 Pride, part of a sham that rich business men pulled on people back then, to think of it, it was a luxury for many, even back then when it wasn’t a piece of shit, supposedly.

I stopped at the end of this alley, went to the left corner where there used to be a Baghali*, Hamid was going to meet me in 10 minutes, with the package, I hope he gets here on time, I don’t like to stay here more than I should, as a habit I light up a winston cigarette and stare at the the street, there are people marching towards me, I freak out but don’t have any reaction, I just take a deeper smoke, my feet want to start shaking but I keep holding on to my cigarette, I notice something odd about the crowd, they’re not here for me, they are passing through the town, preaching, oh, yes I’ve seen this before; habit of the old age, I stare at the man who is chanting and talking in front of all this people about his message, he is bald, and he’s tall, his beard is still not completely white, but it is beginning, he chants, and speaks, his voice is soothing, So I listen in:

“We were afraid of things that could hurt us, so we learned how to hate, a respectable method of survival but why now? We are advanced we have things to look forward to, some of us yet may live long to be immortal; in that sense, as a race and as an individual we need to learn to remember, that nothing can really hurt us, for we are naught but orchestrations of Carbon, we need to learn all that stands in our world is…”, money, he means to say money, but he says something else…he is playing them too, just like that, it’s a simple world really, but people just don’t get it. I listen in again, they are passing by me so I kind of have to. “Yes sure, you cannot love everything ; not even everyone. Says who I ask? Yes you will try to hinder my talk with things like; they’re disgusting, he’s stupid, she’s ugly, it’s annoying….yes of course, but so are you if you cannot grasp that you have an advantage and the other thing that you hate or cannot tolerate doesn’t. Teach it not to be disgusting, teach him not to be stupid, teach her not to be ugly, teach everyone not to….” his face does look funny when he tries to express the words though, reminds me of a friend I had, oh Hamid is here, he seems to have the package, I put the cigarette out and put my left hand in my pocket, I take the money out, 20 million rials, for just a weekend’s supply! the world is a sham. I think of all this for seconds but when Hamid reaches me I try to be more upbeat. “Greetings to you bro”, I tell him, “Hey mard*”, he hands me the package and I hand him the cash, “I’ll bring 2 ringers next week for 2 a pop, gimme a call”, he tells me and leaves as soon as he gets the cash. I trust him though….he’s alright. I move back towards the alley with a lot of dead bodies, there is an old man walking in the opposite direction, he has “the look” he’s scared so I smile at him, he smiles back, from his behind a younger man shows up and touches the man shoulder, I flinch but I don’t show it, I look at them carefully as I walk close to them, the man looks at the old man and speaks, “Pedar jan*, can I please use your cell to call my friends? they are inside the house but they are not opening the door for me”, the old man hesitates but hands the man his cell, the man looks nervously at the phone, I wonder, he is trying to see if I’m going to be gone from site sooner, I walk towards the young man whose other hand is grasping something in his finger, I speed my steps and go towards them, I am waiting to shout for the old man to run away, the young man’s eyes and mine meet, I can see him, He has a family, his family is hungry, I move towards him to get the phone away from him, but in my head I’m actually thanking the universe that this man is just a robber and not a murderer, he runs away when he finds me close, but keeps the phone, persistent little man! I go to the old man “are you alright sir”? I ask him, “Yes, but he stole my phone”! the old man answers, “He ran away fast”, I tell him, “Yes”, he responds, “thank you for your help, I don’t know what would’ve happened if you didn’t show up” the old man thanks me, I smile, “good day Sir” I tell him and move along, what a nice old man.

 

 

*Grocery shop in Iran

*Man, a term of respect between acquaintances.

*Dear father, as a term of respect for the elderly men.

 

Prostitute

Giving joy, getting joy, never coy,
Often pretty, always called a toy,
She sells all that there is to deploy.

And there is she who is demure;
A teacher whose job is secure.
Some say that all teachers are pure.

And there is he who is a professor;
He is his father’s successor;
Just like his father’s predecessor.

The first one we call a whore;
She prostitutes her body more and more;
But the other ones we adore.

The professor prostitutes his knowledge.
He also sells his precious time.
And the teacher too makes the same pledge;
Especially while she is in her prime.

We all prostitute something every day;
Yet only the first one’s a prostitute; yay!

Hossein Mohammadzadé

The Waiting Room

Sitting in a waiting room with twenty other men,
All waiting for the good doctor to come; and then,
I notice, we’ve been waiting for half an hour;
Some worried sick, just sitting with no power
To help themselves or others in the room;
Just waiting; and although there’s no more room,
Another one enters. No! Sorry! A pair;
Yes! Most people come with companions who care;
Or, pretend to care, and seek relief here.
They say, “He’s always late. He has nothing to fear!
He is the great doctor!” But why is he late?!
Is he watching? Is he smiling at our fate?
Or, is he sleeping with some pretty goddess?
When are you going to come Mr. Flawless?!
Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m right; but if I’m right,
We are all waiting for him to cum, right?!
Forget it. This room makes illusions shatter;
All helpless, no relief; but, does it matter?

Hossein Mohammadzadé

 

There is still some hope left…

To those still in love with the illusions…..

The lies we were told
the lies we had lived
the lies that we told
the lies we all believed

The time has come to set aside those lies; for we had only been fooling ourselves; disconnecting from those around us we wished to serve ourselves and no one else; living in the illusion that those who made us happy and were standing at our side were loved by us; that is the first lie we tell each other; I love you; such beautiful words but still immature in most cases, the naked pleasure of love blinded us to what love truly meant; and because of that we are now the broken, heavy things that we are now….because of that beautiful lie that we told each other; we all became “the bottle” in our own world….a bottle that will soon run out…..

So…..Let’s take a deep breath…..Let’s stop being bottles….
Let’s not tell each other “I love you” before we really do…..before we are actually able to give our lives for theirs even if they won’t give theirs for ours….

Don’t say “I love you”; even in kind words there can be darkness when they don’t come from the heart….remember a lie is a lie; it comes from the void and by telling each lie; you will add to the darkness of the world…..

From the Ashes….2? “New Beginnings”

Hi….

As we stand at the precipice of change; as the world around us slowly is handed over to us;  those who were once the children of this age; Now that we have grown wiser! (Yeah right!) and now that we have the chance to shape the world in the image we sought so long to create….

I’d like to talk about new beginnings…..for me most of all….

A lot of things changed; the way I thought, the things I believed, the purposes I held dear, now that all is reduced to ash and the Phoenix has the chance to be reborn once more…..

Let us contemplate on all that we learned and be not afraid of change…..for evolution is a long process of changing and ascending until you reach the stars…..and even though I spoke as if I had forgotten about that…..Now I intend to speak of it as something different, with a fresh perspective befitting of this ever changing world of ours…..

Let us begin by saying, ” I was wrong” and move on; learning from the past, living in the present with the future in mind, shaping it as we move forward….

 

 

 

 

Sohrab Amirmozafari 2016.06.16

The Bottle

Empty-Jack-Daniels-Whiskey-Bottle

In a dark corner of a world famous distillery I was born, I had been given life when they placed every drop of my being together, we merged and became one entity; a proud one, our maker made sure that we knew that we were the best there was or ever will be, I was sure that I was that one bottle that was far better than the rest; nothing could change my view about myself;
I was sent to a fancy shop and there I awaited the person who would buy me and carry me forever inside:
That person came sooner than expected; I was the first amongst my kind to be desired; it came naturally since I was by a far margin the best there ever was….that kind person with a glow in her eyes brought me to her home, there was a party there and I knew until the end of that party I would live in a glorious blaze until the night was over and my being was forever merged with the person who had brought me home….
When I was sat down on a beautiful table full of other wonderful bottles, I still felt superior and that feeling was not tarnished since the person who had brought all of us there came to me first; she poured a glass for herself and drank deep with satisfaction in her eyes; they glowed with a magical spark and I felt a part of my being going inside her, we were one, me and her and when she stood by me I felt at peace, I could feel the missing parts of me inside her and it made me feel good, it was an amazing feeling; it was as if I had taken over her and that my domain had increased from the puny beautiful bottle that I was to that gorgeous and amazing girl, “You’re absolutely marvellous”, she said as she held me and caressed my hard and cold body, “Hey, Asal, you should try this, it’s something else”, she called to one of her friends and she came over, she was beautiful as well and when they drank together I felt myself becoming more than before…..I was now residing inside two people….both whom were absolutely adored by those around them…..
Hours passed by and they did not come around to try more of me, I was left alone for a bit and felt okay with that; they were close, I could still feel them and the night was still young……then came another….perhaps not as magnificent as the two before but fine nonetheless, she took a sip as well…..I was inside her too…..
It didn’t take long for tens to come and they each took a sip, I felt myself thin, stretched out, I was not in unity with myself and as I stared at the room full of these beautiful people, I could not help but notice that I can feel myself inside each one of them, I was everywhere, they all had me inside them and I was beginning to run low…..
The last one that came took a deep gulp and spent hours around me, I gave to her more than I had given to the others and for a short time I had forgotten about the parts that I had left inside others, for a while I felt that the bond that has been made with this last one is strong enough to make me feel whole again; what a fool I was…..
The party was over and slowly each of those people left, taking a part of me with them, those parts of me were no longer close, I could no longer feel myself except for the few drops that remained at my bottom, the last girl was still there and she took me with her as she left; leaving all the other bottles that were not half as empty as I was; I felt good in her hands and I tried to be happy, tried my best to feel whole, we wandered the streets together for hours, then came the morning and it was time for her to go home, she gave me a sad stare, “I guess this is goodbye”, She said and slowly set me aside on the asphalt with a sad look in her eyes, I tried yelling, I tried screaming, It did not take….she left and even that great part of me that I had given her was taken away; I was no longer anything to be desired, I was still beautiful and powerful but almost all of me was gone…..each person that had come and went had taken a part of me with them, never to return…..
There in the coldness of the street, I looked at myself…..a bottle of the finest whiskey known to man….only a few drops of me left and that’s when I realised; that was all I was ever going to be….for the rest of my short life……a bottle almost empty with nothing to entice one to come about…..
Sohrab Amirmozafari
16/08/2015