Days can go by fine, it is a possibility, the world is more fucked up than I can imagine, that’s the way it works, but some days, are really good ones, today was such a day, I spent it with her, she is one of the special ones, today was my day-off; she came by in the morning, I was super sad, we have been having problems with one another lately, our alliance seemed to be on the brink of destruction, you cannot fight the harshness of the world outside, food is scarce, water is nowhere to be found, I understand her, I want to be good for her but, it’s just not that easy, and it’s also not easy for her, our safe space is small, but today, today was great….
after she came by I was too busy concentrating on the events, I was so burned out that I found it hard to be in the moment, she was smiling constantly, and sitting close to me, asking me how I felt, she smelled good, even in this shit she manages to smell good for me, she was smiling as she was telling me about her day, “So, as I was saying this guy suddenly showed up at baba*’s shop and you know he had this huge shotgun! I kid you not! and he looked so ugly! he had all these blisters on his face and his front teeth were like fancy synth stuff, Oh my god, My father was so scared, and my mother wasn’t around, it was such a relief that cousin Soheil showed up,” I stop hearing her Soheil is the one who is a cop, and he doesn’t like me, nope, ” and then the brain of that guy was like splashed all over the snacks, it was disgusting”, she shudders from her own words, I try to respond, “And no one got hurt”? I ask, she looks at me curiously, as if she knows something about me, “except for the shotgun dude, no, cousin Soheil saved us”, she stops and stares at me, “I got us something to do”, she says, “what”? “have you ever done, clarity bomb”? “No, but it sounds like something I’d like to do”, she grins when I she hears that, “Glad you said that, here”, she hands me an earpiece chip, I put the chip inside my ear piece and stare at her, she is bringing her earpiece from her bag, she puts it on and presses the button, she winks and smiles proudly at me and nods, she means to say “fuck yeah” but she doesn’t say it, I press on too and the waves adjust themselves, and for now nothing is happening, “Hey, isn’t this supposed to like act instantly”, I ask her, “It depends, stop whining”, I try to focus my thoughts inwards, try to disconnect, and move with the waves of this clarity bomb, and everything goes dark,…..
……..there is a world of dark static that I can see, the static are there but you don’t see them, …….. I see a picture of her face, the static is more of what I see, I see myself caged in a world where there is no light the only light that exists are the statics, they are tiny and small, I take steps towards….something, I don’t know because I don’t….towards something, steps create static too, some only have foot static, but we cannot see, we cannot see, but we have to keep on walking, I see one static close to me, the static that its happening in front of me, it is as if it is dancing, is someone dancing in front of me? the static of the dance flashes into other parts of the darkness, that static is bigger than mine, and it is so gay, it is dancing, I try to stay close and see, we spend hours walking side by side, although I walk and it dances, hours go by, we see each other better, its static is stronger now and more familiar, I can see something inside it, we still walk on together, now touching all the time, we break apart sometimes by distractions but we hold on tight when we get too far, the static pushes me down sometimes, try to overpower me but I am free with it, it wants to be around me so I generate more static that it, keep it down and let it stay there, its a battle, its a war, but it only seeks peace, its the world of statics, no one knows what happens, or what is what, everything is nothing and nothing is everything, my static grows tired, I let go of it more often, it catches me at times but I’m weakening, I cannot sparkle as well as I used to, but for it, I sparkle again, and time and time again, until the sparks….
my eyes open, I’m in my bed, safe and sound, I pull the sheet down and get off of the bed, she’s sleeping still, she turns and looks at me, I see her eyes, the static world, tears start to build behind my eyes, but I dare not, I smile at her, she smiles back with such kindness that makes me feel like she knows….
*Father, casual “father” in Persian.